Megan Leyman

Hello all 

This is a some-what follow-up to “The Trip Between the Two, Japan & Life Altering Surgery”, I’ve had a lot of thoughts going through my mind and there is a particular thought I want to talk about. 

Well, it’s mainly been about the surgery that has been on my mind as I’ve got nothing to share about the book nor Japan and with the appointment being delayed by a week it has been on my mind more than ever. 

The problem I’ve got regarding the thought of surgery is my weight, I’ve had this issue for the past few years as the hormones I take, while they are good, there are lot of cons e.g. the health risks in return like weight gain, which if it continues is bad. 

I know from looking online that I need to be below a certain weight for it and I’ve been wondering recently if the reason for the weight gain is a possible mental resistance on my part? 

I’ve been open about my thoughts in recent years explaining roughly why I want to become a happier person, but never given any thought if there is something in me that doesn’t want to change. 

It’s due to a conversation with my younger cousin who is a nurse at my towns hospital who has seen the results of the surgery I want to go through; I’m not going to go into the chat as it’s personal, but she wanted to make I was 100% sure I wanted to go through the whole thing. 

Because it’s life altering surgery I want to go through, maybe the tiny bit that is still Matt in me doesn’t want to go through it? 

During this transition so far, I have tried my best to become more feminine but due to living the past 29 years as Matt, it’s been hard trying to change certain routines that I’ve been doing for years? Is it resistance or is it being that hard to change? Will I finally change my routine eventually? 

I confess I haven’t really got an end point for this post, I just wanted to get some of my thoughts off my mind with hopes it will make things better?  

I just want to get this load off my mind before a new lot of things get unloaded on my brain next Friday.  

Thanks for reading, 

Megan  

P.S. I will make sure the next post will be about anything else that isn’t relating to my transition as this is the 3rd one in a row.